STI: Mugging up on parenting

Oct 13, 2004
Mugging up on parenting

IT STARTED with four words. Then, it expanded to six, eight and now we are at 10.

I'm talking about spelling tests.

The week starts on a Thursday, with intensive training. A test, under strictly enforced exam conditions in the evening, indicates the level of work needed for Friday.

Saturday and Sunday is when we attack the problem areas, with occasional revision on Monday and a final review on Tuesday.

Wednesday is exam day. With 10 marks at stake, there's one child, a father, a mother, a grandfather and a maid all sweating on the outcome.

I have already been to school once - do I really have to go through it all again?

Last week must have been one of Singapore's lowest productivity months of the year. Islandwide, parents took leave to prepare their children for the Primary School Leaving Examination.

Using up valuable leave for such a reason was unheard of in my school days, albeit in another culture, on the other side of the world in Britain and nearly 30 years ago.

There may be a gulf between the PSLE and a 10-word spelling test but I already find myself declining social invitations to get home and ensure that six-year-old Haley remembers the 'e' in 'policeman'.

Should I make an advance application for PSLE leave now, just to avoid the rush?

What is happening to me? I vowed never to be one of 'those' parents.

And spare me that wry smile. I remain determined.

Surely it is the role of schools to educate my children. I am here to provide love and a nurturing background, not win spelling bees.

And in any case, I want to watch football.

Thinking back, my mother taught me to read using flash cards.

But thereafter, I cannot remember getting much help from her or Dad, unless I simply could not get my head around something.

But even then, the impetus came from me. They never asked to see my homework or coached me for tests and certainly never took leave or missed the football.

What of my other daughter, nine-year-old Amelia? Well, I did some research.

'Why have they started testing Haley? They never tested Amelia,' I asked my wife.

'Yes, they did.'

'Why can't I remember?'

'Wati used to teach her,' she replied, referring to our previous Indonesian maid.

'You mean Wati had more to do with my child's grounding in the written word than I did?'

'Apparently.'

All right. Analysis: Wati is not a football fan. That may not be the point.

More analysis: She spent more time with Amelia during the day than I could. That certainly is not the point.

The point is, somebody at home took up the slack. Amelia is a good student and seems no longer in need of our, erm...Wati's help.

That is just as well. Teaching English is so far removed from a maid's job description, that I am surprised we were never dragged before the authorities for inadvertent maid abuse.

Whether a six-year-old should even have homework, let alone have it focused on a midweek test, is dubious in the first place.

But that is what the poor girl is faced with, and as she is far too young to have the discipline to study on her own, somebody needs to help her.

I only hope that when she is old enough to work on her own, her already-stressed parents will not have been so sucked in that they are unable to let her do so.

Without the miracles that Wati worked, as Haley gets older, I am tasked with making sure that she is disciplined. She must study on her own and know its importance.

I must also make sure that she gets to study in a conducive environment and help schedule the time she needs to learn.

Having done that, surely, it must then be up to her. I can encourage, enforce and comfort but not much more.

That putting a magic 'e' at the end of a word changes the vowel sound is something I will mention, if she seems not to know. But I would certainly hope she picks that up at school.

She has so much energy and is fundamentally inquisitive. I must make sure that she channels it well.

But she is my child. How can I dodge responsibility?

All right, all right.

Dear Boss, please may I have one week's leave? First week of October, 2010.