STI: Dream teen, dream team

May 18, 2004
Dream teen, dream team
by Mak Mun San

GIRLFRIENDS are welcome in Madam Chin Kwee Chin's house.

'It's entirely up to him,' says the 52-year-old mother of Yisheng.

'I won't object to him dating as long as he does not neglect his studies,' she says of the 16-year-old, a first-year student at Hwa Chong Junior College.

He went to Nanyang Primary School and River Valley High School.

'As both are co-ed schools, he is very comfortable when he is in the company of girls, which is a good thing,' she says, adding that she has not set any minimum age for him to begin dating.

She also has a 22-year-old daughter studying in Japan.

She is full of praise for her son whom she says is 'responsible, caring and obedient'.

Likewise, he has nothing but nice words for his mother who is a programme director at MediaCorp Radio.

'I wouldn't change anything about her,' declares the well-mannered young man.

If you are looking for the sort of angst faced by many teenagers and their parents nowadays, you are not going to find it in this mother-and-son dream team.

She says she respects his privacy and will grant him freedom 'as long as he doesn't abuse it'.

He says his parents have begun treating him as a 'rational adult' and give him room to voice his opinions.

Once he entered puberty in secondary school, they started adopting a more consultative style.

'I think environment is a very important factor in moulding a person's character. He grew up in a good environment. The schools he attended have provided him with great learning environments,' Mum says.

She has never imposed any curfews as she trusts her son.

Yisheng, meanwhile, is keeping an open mind on boy-girl relationships: 'Studies are only one part of my life. Social life is also an important part.'

Although he has never dated before, he says he would be only too happy to bring his future girlfriend home to meet his parents 'once it's confirmed'.

While he admits that he is 'a little spoiled' by his mother, he is quick to point out that he is not a Mummy's boy.

'I have my own mind and I'm quite independent,' he stresses, revealing that his father, who is self-employed, is the stricter parent.

Asked to rate his mother, Yisheng's answer shows that no matter how grown-up he might be, there will always be a special place in his heart for Mum.

'I'll give her 99 marks,' he replies without hesitation.



This is the fifth in a six-part fortnightly series brought to you by the Ministry of Community Development and Sports.

When kid is Queenie

IT IS exasperating when your daughter is no longer the child you used to know.

That was the case for Madam Fung Yuk Kwan a few years ago.

'If I said: 'Go east', she would always go west,' the senior administrative assistant in her 40s recalls of her daughter Queenie.

It was only later that it hit her: Queenie, who is now 16, was in her rebellious stage.

It was a difficult period for both. Madam Fung, a Hong Konger who came to Singapore in 1995, had just divorced her husband.

They have a son, 23, who lives with his father.

'I took a softer approach with her, talking more to her as a friend than as a mother. It worked and we became closer,' she says.

But it was just a temporary respite.

Last year, Queenie began retreating into her own world, skipping school and refusing to open up.

Madam Fung was at her wits' end.

It was only after much cajoling that the girl told her what the problem was. She was being bullied in school by a pair of sisters.

Alarmed, she arranged for her daughter to see a psychologist who advised the latter to switch schools.

Queenie, who comes across as smart and pleasant, is now studying in an international school.

'I'm a sensitive person and I think sometimes it's kind of scary for my Mum,' she says.

Madam Fung admits that she is more protective towards her daughter than her son when he was a teenager because 'the world can be too complex for a young girl like her'.

As she is worried that Queenie may fall into bad company, she encourages her to bring her friends home. And she cooks for them.

In recent months, the two have also made it a point to spend Sundays together, enjoying dim sum and going shopping.

'Sometimes, she also cooks Japanese food for me,' Madam Fung says.

Although her own marriage did not work out, she says she hopes her daughter will eventually have a happy relationship 'when she is more mature'.

Referring to her parents' failed marriage, Queenie says: 'I know Mum sacrificed a lot for us. But the divorce doesn't affect me in any way. Some of my friends come from single-parent families too. It's quite common.

'In fact, she's so much happier after the divorce so I'm happy for her too.'