STI: Adopting other solutions

Mar 20, 2004

Adopting other solutions
by Ong Soh Chin

SINGAPORE, it is time to think outside the box. Or the crib, as the case may be here.

We need babies. Our married couples are not producing any, or enough. And our singles are not getting married, choosing their careers over home and hearth.

So what do we do? More importantly, heeding the call of the nation in its time of need, I ask myself: What can I do?

So far, in the current debate, it would seem I can do nothing. Except perhaps to stand hopelessly aside, wringing my manicured hands at my vacant womb.

For I am a single career woman in my late 30s, and current wisdom dictates that I am fast becoming redundant.

But I'm not giving up without a fight. Despite what the popular ideal may be, I am not discounting the idea of kids. In fact, I am not discounting anything.

Why should I sell myself short? Even though biology is not in my favour, I am not about to jump into a marriage purely for the sake of having kids.

That would be irresponsible, not only to me and the man I marry, but also to the kids that may come from this ill-conceived union. I want to have kids when and if I'm ready, biological clock be damned.

And the fact that there are millions of orphans in the world is the only proof I need that I can still be a parent someday - not to my own child, but to somebody else's.

By 2010, UNAIDS (the Joint United Nations Programme on HIV/Aids) estimates there will be a grand total of 107 million orphans in the world.

Of that number, 25 million of them will be orphans of Aids.

It is a mind-boggling figure that gives a twisted spin to the current baby debate which, literally and metaphorically, has been rather navel-gazing in nature.

Here we are, bemoaning our lack of babies when there are potentially some 80 million healthy kids in the world who deserve a shot at life and loving parents.

I can't think of a really sound reason why some of these kids can't call Singapore home.

Sure, when it comes to adoption, there are murky underlying questions of the child's eventual loyalty to his adoptive country.

But if not enough married procreation-age Singaporeans are stepping up to bat, and if we are truly a country that's all for foreign talent, shouldn't adoption be a viable alternative to be considered seriously?

Why keep throwing money at married couples who have, time and again, shown that they don't want to have more children?

Why keep penalising single people who will have to pay baby taxes but will get nothing back in return unless they, too, get pregnant?

In fact, why not involve single people, rather than marginalising them in this kiddy circus?

CURRENTLY, Singaporeans adopt an average of 700 children a year, more than 60 per cent of whom are foreign-born.

But what is not widely known - at least it hasn't been highlighted in the last few baby-mad weeks - is that singles in Singapore are also allowed to adopt.

In fact, about 5 per cent of the total number of adoptions - or 35 cases - each year involves singles.

They have to meet certain criteria of course. A person who adopts - married or single - has to be a resident of Singapore, at least 25 years of age and at least 21 years older than the child.

Single males are not allowed to adopt girls.

Miss Ang Bee Lian, director of Rehabilitation and Protection at MCDS, says: 'While the law allows a single man to adopt a male child, few in fact adopt as they do face more difficulties than a single woman who is adopting a child.'

In addition, each applicant will be investigated thoroughly by the Ministry of Community Development And Sports, as well as the authorities in the relevant foreign country if it is an overseas adoption.

While these stringent checks are definitely necessary - to protect not only the child, but also the prospective parents - is there any way the number of such adoptions could be increased?

Could single people, especially those who cannot have kids, be actively encouraged to adopt children the same way married people are?

Currently, there are no incentives or tax breaks offered to singles who want to adopt.

For too long now, having babies has been the sole domain of married couples.

We have been so fixated on the traditional nuclear family that we haven't realised it is fast going the way of the dodo.

The Singapore Department of Statistics website shows that the number of marriages declined by almost 10 per cent in 2002, compared to 1997; even as the number of divorces went up by 19 per cent in the same period.

Isn't it time to acknowledge that alternatives to the married-with-children scenario must quickly be found?

When I was researching this column, a married male friend with kids told me that, in the interests of responsible journalism, I should also address the fact that raising kids is not an easy task.

'I don't see how a single person would be able to handle the job,' he said candidly.

While I appreciate his reservations, I also recognise that adoptive parents are screened rigorously - including deep investigations into the kind of support system they can provide the child.

But nobody screens married couples to see if they're mentally, physically and financially fit to have biological kids.

Chances are a lot of them would fail to make the grade.

But no one would ever deny them the right to be parents, no matter what their situation is.

WHILE I don't have firm statistics to back me up, I suspect that singles who adopt tend to be affluent professionals, which is helpful when it comes to hiring qualified help or putting the kids in quality child care.

But should poorer singles be discouraged from adopting children?

I would rather trust a child with a poor but sincere single parent than a married couple who would consider having a kid just to enjoy a tax rebate or financial compensation.

In the past, it was common for unmarried majies and samsui women to adopt children. They had no child care facilities, no rebates and not much money.

With few adoption centres available, offering to take on an orphan, or a child from a big family struggling to make ends meet, was not seen as a stigma. It was seen as a good deed.

Today, however, things are different. As Singapore becomes more advanced, Singaporeans are becoming more intransigent, isolated and spoilt.

We complain about stifling rules and regulations while at the same time whining that the Government is not giving us enough handouts to do what comes naturally to the birds and the bees.

So here's another radical thought: Instead of throwing money fruitlessly at people to encourage them to have children, how about committing some resources to opening closed minds instead?

After all, part of being a creative society is the ability to think beyond the proscribed parameters.

ONE of my single male friends has an adopted three-year old son.

He says the hardest thing about raising his child is dealing with people's stereotyped perceptions on a day-to-day basis.

Miss Ang from MCDS confirms this difficulty: 'By nature, a woman is more nurturing towards a young child and there is greater societal acceptance of the relationship than that of a single man.'

My friend tells me about a female florist at the hawker centre near his house who once pulled his son aside.

'She asked him nosily who I was and why he doesn't have a mother. I was very angry because it was none of her business and also because it upset my son.

'If she had any questions, she could have addressed them to me, not him.'

Sometimes, I think, it's not the nature of the parent that might harm a child. It's the nature of an unforgiving and unaccommodating society.

But are we bold enough to address - nay, see - this problem before it's too late?